Jesus Lives For Our Heartbreaks Too
exposing a few of my reckless decisions, heartbreaks, choosing my husband, and a loving God in the midst of it all.
I didn’t really think that God would ever move me to share my past love life experiences (because *cringe*), but here we are! After writing my last post, I instantly knew I needed to share it.
I had a handful of heartbreaks, some worthy enough to cringe about. 😂 But there are only two things that come to mind for this post. I’ll save the other ones for later, hehe.
First, junior year of high school.
My best friend and I fought over a boy. Yup. It was bad. (Before we go further, please don’t judge me, I was just a kid. 😂) I was that girl that started dating the boy my best friend and I both liked (without warning, go me) and knew my bff would hurt, but my teenagery hormones clouded my better judgment. I can’t totally blame it on hormones, but all I can say is that I made a choice. And it was a poor one, lol. It was totally a You Are So Not Invited to My Bat Mitzvah moment, except high school.
My best friend hated me. We didn’t talk for a while. I tried to have a heart to heart talk with her to try and make things right but it was just too awkward. How would I make things right anyway?! I mean me, the so-called trusted best friend who went and betrayed the #1 girl code?! I kept dating the boy anyway because that’s what eggheads do. I didn’t think talking to God was relevant in this situation, especially because I knew what He would say. Until one moment I will never forget.
One night, ex boyfriend and I were at the grounds of the temple. It was a double date and we were helping take a surprise proposal video for our older friend-couple, who were out of high school. The plan was for me and my ex to circle around the opposite way around the temple until our guy friend texts us to come and record his proposal. This is so romantic, I want a proposal like this, I thought. *cringe*
I was all googly-eyed while my ex and I were walking around, holding hands, in midst of my villainous best friend betrayal, waiting for the text. I took the opportunity in our silent pauses to look to the temple and ask God for something. Almost like an approval to be with this boy. Forever, if that was okay. Ew, seriously…the audacity I had to ask this…knowing how it all started with my backstabbing decision?! lol🫠
I was familiar with the Lord’s silence when He knows I can figure something out by myself. So imagine my hormonal horror when I was hit with the BIGGEST NO of my entire life. Full stop. The feeling was like walking down a beautiful sunny beach and then suddenly getting swept in by an enormous tidal wave.
We got the text and I watched my ex take a video of our friend proposing. Happy tears and all. I went home, my memory still frozen on a young man on bended knee, a girl elated, the boy taking the video, and the Lord warning me. I made things right with God, my best friend, and broke things off with this boy asap. It was an ugly process.
Sharing this feels stupid since it sounds like a terrible example lol, but there are many dating experiences out there that didn’t begin like this one, but somehow ended with a similar ‘no’ I experienced. I know that the Lord will make His voice heard even when every detail seems right and picture perfect to you. He will make His voice heard through your exhaustion from making things align with your plan.
Second, post-mission and college life.
This boy is the one I seriously dated right before I met my husband. We talked a lot about our future together and he met with the missionaries because he knew God was important to me. I thought it was important for him too since he decided to get baptized. I remember feeling sad and he would share his favorite scripture from The Book of Mormon to me and mark it so that I wouldn’t lose it. I was so in love with him. *death cringe*
He was calm, funny, and so good to me. He made me feel safe. He respected my boundaries and helped me keep the law of chastity.
Until the day he called and said he couldn’t accept the church. He said he wouldn’t be able to give me the dreams I wanted, dreams that I thought we wanted together. Well, I was pretty shattered. Destroyed. I cried for weeks. Especially when I instantly found out he had sex with one of his friends soon after our break up, someone he told me not to worry about, LOL.
I felt like I was fooled the whole time we were dating. Like I dated a really good actor? 😂 I thought he was perfect for me, saying and doing the right things. He was a genuine guy, but looking back I knew he also needed to be genuine with his own values that he eventually took hold of.
I couldn’t just let him change for me, you know? I wanted him to truly want the gospel of Jesus for himself, to see and feel what that would look like on him. How it could mold, transform him, and help him progress. But he didn’t want it and that was okay.
Getting to know my husband… hi babe!!
When I started talking to my husband, he was honest with me about everything from the very beginning. He also showed his desire to come closer to God through his consistent efforts. At the time, I took a break from dating so I didn’t think much of my new friendship with my husband. I never met someone who took repentance so seriously, challenging himself in his own conversion to Christ. He wanted to be better and do better, in his own special way that he knew he needed. My husband never felt like an admirable project I had to keep maintaining (learned my lesson from that, lol), he was more like an example God knew I needed which gave me so much room to breathe.
I also didn’t really realize how prideful I was until I started dating my husband, lol. He has the gift of compassion and caring which means that he is someone who is not afraid of correcting me when I need it. It’s refreshing and humbling. 🙄😂 We’re crazy about each other and we laugh like hyenas.
He loves God, the gospel, nature, hiking, running, quality time with loved ones, and pizza! He is sweet and sensitive. He’s straightforward, goofy, and witty. He’s a bookworm, and a great writer too! His vibe is a mix of Jess from Gilmore Girls, Jim Hawkins from Treasure Planet, Jacob Black from Twilight, and Sokka from Avatar: The Last Airbender LOL! (sorry babe i had to, you married a basic fangirl) If I were to describe how I feel about him, it would be the song The Way I Loved You by Taylor Swift except I never fail to see my husband as both guys being described there. 🤪
What made it clear for me to choose my husband is that he helps me recognize the parts of myself that need healing, and he supports me along my journey. He is a wonderful companion that challenges and motivates me to choose God in every direction. We have complimenting personalities, and similar values. And boy does he take me out of my comfort zone, and vice versa.
I used to strongly believe in the romantic notion of choosing the right one, as if there’s only that one person. But the truth is, we can be compatible with a number of people (quoting my bro in-law, hi kuya ams!!). God gave us the gift of the Holy Ghost and our agency to help us in this selection. You have the power to access God’s clarity and peace in your choosing. Because of Jesus, “you have the opportunity to choose your love and love your choice…”
And in that choice, the Lord will make His voice known in His own way,
and if you’re brave enough to hear Him out,
it can be more beautiful than you can ever imagine. 💖
Have you had a similar experience with God? Let’s chat in the comments! Your likes and comments are encouraged and so helpful for my work <3
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This is so true! I've also had one or two big "No!" moments in my dating life, and other experiences where I can see where the Lord gently diverted me away from choices that would have been disastrous. Your relationship with your husband sounds lovely and divinely inspired!
This was so sweet to read- you and your husband are so cute together! And this was all so relatable. Who among us haven’t had less than ideal dating relationships 😬 Thank you for sharing this!