But God, I Really Think My Plan Is Better

when God told me that higher education is MORE than just simply wanting a college degree :')

Matthew 6

28 …Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin…

my 27th bdae, timmie-themed. my friends and i wore main-character dreamy, victorian nightgowns!! ;)

Hi guys!! I’m back from my hibernation!! 😂

I turned 27 last month and my skill of having-no-idea-what-I’m-doing-with-my-life has increased, lol.

I haven’t written a long form in awhile because I keep telling God ‘no.’ Hence, my title. I just want to be spiritually childish here for a moment and elaborate on my hibernation reasons behind-the-scenes. So, tell me if you can relate to this in some way, shape, or form. Heart to heart. ‘kay, go.

I keep telling God what I want for myself. These *desires* seem pretty righteous to me. To be frank, this situation has been going on for a couple of years now. And I can tell you with all the backstory and pride that my tiny body has left, that I deserve these desires.

“But I want THIS. I swear it’s not just about me. It’s for my family and future.” I say with an angsty foot stomp towards heaven. And of course, the Lord is always kind. However, He is also 100% honest. He will never lie. Not when it’s about you and your life. Your future. Your heart. Your soul. Your family. He is a Good Father of Eternal Truth. He is a God that loves His children enough to say, “No.”

Midnight comes, I feel God’s tender Spirit hug me goodnight and comfort me.

Because He knows. He knows that I would let go of my plans soon because my soul wouldn’t feel right in my plans anymore. It was starting to feel like passive rebellion. My desires of going to school and getting a degree, as odd as it sounds, was mine to have, and to hold (boom, secrets exposed)—but the Lord keeps saying He has something greater for me. And I know I’m probably sounding like a lunatic going back and forth now these past few years, because I’ve written about it from time to time.

Everyday since I let go of my old dreams of what I thought was truly ‘higher education’, He tells me to write. To work. To develop my talents. To publish ALL my ideas. To add more holiness to Oak and Bower. To learn to obtain His word. He tells me that my talents, especially writing—will bless my family.

Now, I can’t even begin to describe to you the undeniable pull I feel towards developing my creative talents, especially writing. Writing this FOR YOU feels so good and I feel it in my soul. I am learning a valuable lesson in this process: that following God’s will is the highest and holiest education I can ever give to myself.

I believe that God desires for us to let Him be our Ultimate Teacher instead.

To take the courses He prepared just for you and me. He wants greater things for us that we may not understand at this moment. To follow Him with a joyful, faith-filled wonder in every footstep, especially when the vision feels uncertain.

Have you ever let go of a dream you thought was good for you and your future? Trying to force it to happen with all the audacity you have to say ‘no’ to God? Giving our dreams to our Father in Heaven can feel soul-crushing and hard to grasp. Right now, I feel sad, excited, anxious, and curious. I’ve cried, I’ve groaned, and complained to Him. Have you felt that too?

I feel like this caterpillar that my husband found. We almost stepped on the little guy. He was SO tiny!

“These nosy humans. I don’t need this,” says Caterpillar with a grimace.

It was hard to scoop him up. It seemed like little-butterfly-guy didn’t want to be scooped. He began curling up. But we needed to get him to the other side of the sidewalk grass or he would get stepped on. Little guy was still in a ball, refusing our (probably unnecessary) service, until finally, we were successful to find him a protected, cozy spot in the grass.

Like that lovely caterpillar, I was refusing to accept the Lord’s way, curling up like a classic, mature 27 year old, because I think I know better.

I still feel uncomfortable letting go. I am in mourning. But I also feel that God wants to protect me like the lovely bug we met. He wants to protect you too.

Now, I like to think that when God says no to our plans, it’s because He is preparing us for greater things.

For greater fields with flowers you and I have never seen. For greater creative visions only He knows you and I can curate. For greater things that can help my wings and yours to fly higher and holier to Him. Wings to take us to connect with people out there, and here with you on Substack, my good, good friends!!!

So, don’t be afraid to let go, and let God. Any time is a good time to be brave because we have a loving God that make broken things become new.

Because of and through Jesus Christ, we have the power to grow in seemingly desolate areas of ourselves and our life. Like wildflowers in the valley, let us learn to bloom with joyful curiosity in saying ‘YES!’ to God. Yes to a higher and holier way! Yes to my Heavenly Father’s grace! Yes to accepting Jesus in our journey of becoming new! 🕊️

Trust that when we let God prevail in our life, we can remember that in His own way and timing, He is also a God that loves His children enough to say, “Yes.”

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Finding so much comfort from this song lately. It randomly played on pandora radio in a car ride with my dad. I share it with you because maybe it can help you too 🥹🕊️

Have you ever been in a similar situation? What do you think about the spiritual/biblical meaning of flowers growing in the valley? See you in the comments!! Missed you guys, thank you for your patience…😭🫶🏼