When You Don't Want To Get Up
The sacrifices we make to get to know God.
🔍 Finding Christ in Our Trial
Whenever I study the scriptures, I find that I really have to make an effort as to how I can relate whatever I’m going through right now to what I’m studying—so that spending time with the Lord becomes a meaningful experience to me. And this was the case when I pondered more about the story of Ammon and King Lamoni in Come Follow Me recently.
So! I read this - in the Book of Mormon, Ammon and the sons of Mosiah (Nephites, people of Nephi) were spread throughout the land to share the gospel of Christ to their brethren, the Lamanites (people of Laman, and also considered their enemies in their society).
What made such a great pull to my heart was on Alma 19 - when Ammon began to teach King Lamoni, his queen, and his people; and each of them (including Ammon) felt the Lord’s Spirit so much so that they fell to the ground and experienced a “sleepeth in God.”
🐌 Depression and Waking Up
Before I started my gospel study, I prayed to understand how these scriptures could relate to me. Then I thought about the pull of my depression and anxiety when it comes to waking up—when I feel depressed, it is extremely hard to wake up, or just simply get up. It’s the strangest thing!! - because it’s like I want to stay in bed, in the dark, because it’s what feels familiar and what feels like such a strong pull in a hollow sorrow that became such a convincing friend for me for a couple of years now.
And I’ve been thinking…how can the Lord heal me from this? How can something that looks so, absolutely simple to anyone be so weak and challenging for me?
How can I rise without fear? As I lay, how can I open my eyes without this misery and incomprehensible heaviness of a pull? How is this my sleep in God?
🌟 My Sleep in God
6 Now, this was what Ammon desired, for he knew that king Lamoni was under the power of God; he knew that the dark veil of unbelief was being cast away from his mind, and the light which did light up his mind, which was the light of the glory of God, which was a marvelous light of his goodness—yea, this light had infused such joy into his soul, the cloud of darkness having been dispelled, and that the light of everlasting life was lit up in his soul, yea, he knew that this had overcome his natural frame, and he was carried away in God—
I think it’s safe to say that my depression could be considered milder than others who have it. And because I prefer not to take medications any longer and pursue a more natural practice of building a healthier mindset—it still requires a great, rigorous effort on my part to try and try, even with the smallest things. Because to me, depression and anxiety is a real sickness that I feel is similar to what Ammon describes as “the dark veil of unbelief,” “a cloud of darkness” that shames and lays with you to dwell in a dark space for a long time.
Something I have to remember is that blaming myself for having depression and anxiety is not truthful—it is a false story. Life happens, and it can be really hard, and sickness can come whether we like it or not.
This might sound strange but I have come to see my depression as a friend. A friend too sick to believe in what’s true, in what’s real. A friend I can take and give to the Lord because He know that part of my heart the best—and He knows how to heal it perfectly.
🫶🏼 My Invitation To You
I invite you to join me in reflecting on the goodness of God throughout the day—from the minute we rise from our beds, to our sleep in God. Find Him at the first sign of anger, frustration, and all manner of affliction—you’ll find that He is in every detail if we make space for Him.
I know that when we learn to trust and delegate complicated troubles and sicknesses to our Father in Heaven, we are promised divine inspiration of healing, comfort, and counsel for all of them.
37 Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings, and he will direct thee for good; yea, when thou liest down at night lie down unto the Lord, that he may watch over you in your sleep; and when thou risest in the morning let thy heart be full of thanks unto God; and if ye do these things, ye shall be lifted up at the last day.
May you find Christ in your sleep and when you rise. Look for Him, not your fears! He is there! 💛 🌿
Love it🥰
I could totally relate to this. Thank you for some new insights!