Self-check! Have you misplaced your faith?
Learning from Jesus when His attributes don't seem to stick.
I know someone needs this post, wanna know why? It’s because I am struggling to publish this, lol. It’s almost like something is pulling me not to post. Please bear with how I express my thoughts, it feels difficult and I don’t know why. Major writer’s block. Not. Fun.
Okay, so I’ve been on a journey of practicing charity, aka the pure love of Christ. It started during the holidays, and then I kind of forgot about it and then lately, my body started remembering memories that would stir up resentment in my heart and mind. Mostly, these memories that intrude my peace are the ones I thought I’ve moved on from, things I thought I’ve forgiven, buried, shed His mercy on. Interactions, self-discovery, and relationships, all in a complicated bundle that was returned from a popular hell antique store that could potentially be called, “Stir & Boil Vintage: if you’re looking for it, we have it!”
45 And charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
46 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, if ye have not charity, ye are nothing, for charity never faileth. Wherefore, cleave unto charity, which is the greatest of all, for all things must fail—
47 But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him.
This vicious cycle of my soul remembering and resenting ‘already-forgiven’ things takes up so much energy that I kneeled down to pray to God to ask what is going with me? I thought I moved on from this? Father, this is very frustrating. I pleaded for something, for lasting healing. I pleaded for Jesus, and to have the eyes to see and ears to hear the things I needed to learn from Him.
Here’s what I found. Three things. Stick with me here. It’s absolutely profound.
First. We had stake conference (a Latter-Day Saint church gathering where we listen to local leaders share inspired messages from God). A brother taught that if we are heavily struggling with anything or anyone, it could be that we are putting our faith on that specific struggle and not on Jesus. We can place so much of our faith on expectations within our relationships, performance at work, feedback from loved ones. We can place so much of our faith on other people’s faith journey, poor choices, past life. We can place our faith on something that won’t last, imperfect, flawed, temporal, mortal. We can put someone admirable on a pedestal and build faith on them and their approval. We can place our faith on works, and never see potential.
This special brother encouraged us to place our faith in Jesus Christ. To worship him, and learn from the songs of His life. When we worship and place our faith in Jesus Christ, we allow lasting healing, relief, and holy ground to transform us forever. So if we are feeling fear, let’s double check where we have placed our faith.
Second. The Lord’s charity and grace thrive in healthy boundaries, this goes vice versa as well. I learned this from Emily Belle Freeman’s podcast, Inklings. Highly recommend by the way! She says, (transcript)
“Think about a time in your life where you have experienced grace. And it can either be a time when you've experienced grace from the Savior, or it could be a time when somebody else has given grace to you. And I want you to just think for a minute, what did that look like? What was the gift that someone was giving you, and why were they giving that to you?
I was in the car once with Grace. We were on a road trip, Grace and one of her roommates, and we were talking about this. What is the difference between grace and charity? And her roommate said, grace is allowing people to make mistakes, and loving them along the way. So that's a really interesting component of that.
It's allowing room for people to make mistakes, but it's also being able to love them along the way. Now, in saying that, you might think, well, then that means we can't have boundaries. And that actually isn't true, because boundaries become a way that actually allow us to find love for some of the people that we associate with.
Some relationships are not safe without boundaries, and if they're not safe, there can't be love in those relationships. And so it is the boundaries that actually allow for grace and love. And the boundary allows for the level of grace and the level of love that is appropriate in that situation.
So I think the grace part allows you to see someone the way the Lord would see them, and to recognize that people make mistakes. And sometimes boundaries need to be put in place, so those mistakes don't happen again. That's all part of grace.
Love is seeing someone the way the Savior would see them, and being able to have compassion and forgiveness and mercy for the place that they are in. Grace and charity don't remove boundaries. Grace and charity actually thrive better within boundaries.
So hopefully that helps as you think about how you're going to enter into these relationships. The grace part is recognizing people are going to make mistakes. The charity part is loving them along the way.”
Sister Freeman goes on to say, “…if you're in a really tough situation, a counselor (can) help you set logical boundaries . . . you can practice grace and charity within that logical boundary.”
That counselor can also be Jesus.
Third. After work yesterday, I took the transit home as usual. It was raining. I got off a train to take my next one. Right when I get off, I saw this older man, struggling to stand and get up from the floor. He looked very dirty. He had bulky backpacking items on (with the sleeping bag and everything). He was stuck, lying by the yellow line (like he fell or something) his belongings almost falling on the train tracks. (Also yes, the yellow line is the mark by the train tracks as a safety guideline, to obviously create a safe distance from the incoming train.)
I ran to him quickly and saw another man on the other side of the station contemplating and worrying about this older man too. The train was coming soon. I stretched my hand out to help this man get up. Remember, I am 4’10, just a short Asian woman here. This guy was pretty heavy for me and much taller than I am. Right away, I smelled booze on him. That could be why he was having a hard time. It’s almost like he couldn’t make sense of what to do with himself at that moment.
Clearly we both knew I couldn’t carry him up because I kept wobbling forward in my efforts to do so. It wasn’t just that he was much bigger than I was, it was that he still had his huge backpack on him too. He mumbled something and gestured me to go, but I couldn’t leave him there. I reassured him, thought for a second and decided to take his huge backpack off of him and place it off the yellow line.
“Don’t forget his glasses!” says the guy pointing across the station, still concerned. He’s been watching us the whole time. I grabbed the man’s glasses and set it down with his pack. The man finally stood up, slowly. The train came soon after.
I learned from this incident that God can teach us the best boundaries to create—ones that allow His perfect love to flourish within us and for our relationships. His Son, Jesus Christ was sent to be our soul’s safety guideline. The Lord, Jesus Christ can inspire you and I to know how we can love these people best. It will look different for everyone and Jesus knows the perfect way for us to do it. For some, it can be letting go of their packs and for others, it’s loving and sharing your concerns from across the train station.
Loving like Jesus is possible. We have a Loving God that answers prayers. He is the best way. He can make you whole. So, let’s try this again. Let’s keep learning this. Again. And again. And again.
What did you think of as you read this post? Please share with me. 🩶